I guess the biggest problem with this blog is that I’m running it. And it’s really not a blog. It’s the place my brain goes to take a dump. That’s right: it’s a thought outhouse. And your eyes are touching it. So every little scrap of idea about anything that makes it through my brain wrinkles might find its way here. Like this post.
I was reviewing other blogs (successful ones) and I took inventory of what was working.
Most have a point. They’re particular. Like myhusbandisannoying.com (if you read that link and still need to know what that site’s about , then please leave my site now—you will only click on pain and confusion here). It’s an entire site summed up in just over 20 characters. I haven’t read every post on the site, but as far as I can tell, the promise made in the name of the link is kept. I have a post that could maybe fit onto that blog, the one about my wife deciding to add guinea pigs to our home. But it’s one post alongside others like Poo Poo Pants: a true story of decapitation. And a piece of fiction I wrote for a contest which is my attempt at being M. Night Shyamalan.
This completely violates the reader’s trust. People love the hell out of it when their expectations are met. They know that Ke$ha owns sleaze, Kstew is the master of the blank, disinterested, coma-face, and if they want to be as annoyed as shit they only need to find the nearest Kardashian (for anyone wondering why I’m picking on all K women, let me point out that there’s a Rob Kardashian). Coming here, people can’t really have their expectations met because they don’t even know what to expect. Have you seen the categories on my site? I might as well eliminate all of them any just file everything under “whatever.” And while this is probably my worst sin, there are others. For example, unlike my blog . . .
The good ones have pictures. Blogs about horrible tattoos and awkward family photos. A mom blog that relies entirely on crappy pictures. Buzzfeed. They all offer visual interest. Their pages are broken up. There’s relief and reward and hilarity. I gave you this:
Those two pictures represent 2/3 of the entire photo library of my 16 posts so far. It must be apparent that I’m trying to avoid a readership. Because I’m also just going to ignore the need to have video somewhere on here. I’m not even going to address it. Which brings me to my final point . . .
Who the hell are you? Seriously. Are you here because you like being mean to yourself? Or the rest of the Internet was too exciting? Or you just wanted to give your eyes some exercise so you could develop your eye muscles and flex your lids to attract a mate? Really. I don’t even know why I’m here. So if there is something you found here that you’d like to find more of, let me know. Make a comment. Make a demand. I’ll be making more posts. I’ll be adding pictures and video. I’ll be squeezing my brain wrinkles to produce more of the finest nothing on the Internet.