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FRIDGE FOR SALE

Goddamned Fridge

Anybody want to buy this goddamned fridge? Damned by the Almighty Himself. God the Father. He damned it in His infinite wisdom for reasons unknown to me. Maybe I’m not worthy of knowing the reasons why, I really don’t care. We have a better fridge.

It still works. Maybe being damned only matters after it’s been junked. And it will matter only to the fridge. Again, I really don’t give a shit. It works and I want it gone.

It only needs to be cleaned and plugged in and filled with food. It’s not as dirty as Dahmer’s fridge. Though who knows where that thing is. I suppose you could buy this goddamned fridge and tell people it’s Dahmer’s fridge and sell tickets. I would do that, but I don’t want to go to jail for fraud or whatever that scam would be.

If you haven’t pointed your eyes at the photos yet, it’s white. It has an ice-maker in the freezer. But you have to open the door to get the ice. It doesn’t have one of those door dispensers. You have to work just a little bit for your ice. Just open the door you lazy piece of shit!

Was that so tough?

I’m sorry. I’m just stressed. I have more stuff than money or space and it’s all a little too much right now.

The Fridge is a Frigidaire which sounds slightly French. And makes me think “cold air” which is what you should be thinking when you grab that handle wanting a cold one. Yum! A cold one sounds good right about now. Am I right? With this fridge you can have many cold ones. There’s also plenty of space for cucumbers.

Shit, we bought this fridge maybe years ago? And we used it for a portion of time. It didn’t break or anything. Not once. But we bought this big kick-ass fridge with two freezer drawers on the bottom. TWO. And the water and ice dispenses right in the door. So you don’t have to open the door for your ice like a jackwagon. You bet I immediately rolled my old goddamned fridge to the garage. And there it’s been. Completely unplugged, uncold, and empty.

I’m asking $150 or best offer.

You’ll have to pick the damned thing up.

You’ll have to fill it with food.

You’ll have to eat the food you fill it with.

Or find someone else to eat it.

Or throw it away.

But that would be wasteful.

The fridge has convenience shelves and opportunity doors and a hope light inside. I like to think that little hope light stays lit even when the opportunity doors are closed.

Amazing things this fridge will do for you:

  • Keep things cold.
  • Use electricity.
  • Remind you of cold times when it’s hot outside.
  • Obey the laws of gravity.
  • Store things.
  • Freeze things.
  • Remain perfectly still.

You can also use magnets to secure papers, such as child art, to the doors. Oh and one of the rails on the door shelf is cracked.

 

Email me jeff2write@yahoo.com

Posted by jeffandjill in : Uncategorized, No Comments on FRIDGE FOR SALE

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