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Mission statement.

JEFFINGOFF is committed to delivering nothing but the finest nothing on the Internet. And if not the finest nothing, then just nothing. We are intently focused on looking away and writing the shit you absolutely don’t need to read. This site is dedicated to understanding the needs of its audience and completely ignoring them. It is our persistent hope that you will never find anything here that you will actually use later on.



Thanks to all the assholes for making this website possible. If it weren’t for you fuckwads, then I wouldn’t have felt the burning need to launch a blog, carve a new path, and claw my way into a life where I wouldn’t have to deal with you at all if I don’t want to.

If I fail and no one reads this blog and I starve to death without having to see you, I win. Your voice grates on me, and if have to listen to you chew and talk and breathe around your sub sandwich for another minute, I might have to just fucking fuck off out a window. From a speeding train. Onto the tracks. Your presence displaces all of my good will and willingness to be professional. It really does. Your arrogance and ugly are absolutely suffocating. I couldn’t draw in enough breath to yell and/or puke all over you.

You make me want to stab myself in an eye with a push pin. Sometimes both eyes. This blog is better than blindness due to your complete fucking assholery. Asshole. God damn you’re all such a colossal bunch of total jagoffs. FUCK! With your roller bags. Your fucking roller bags that you drag behind you in absolutely packed wall-to-street pedestrian traffic. People are tripping over your bag. It’s so small that it couldn’t possibly contain more than your lunch, but obviously your lunch is too heavy for you to carry like everybody-fucking-else you lazy dickface. SHIT!

And then you stand on the escalator. Just fucking stand there. People could walk right up your ass and tour you like the statue of liberty and you’d be just as immovable. The escalator is there to move us faster, not lazier, you complete and total asswipe!

But, no, you really did help. Thanks for being so full of your own shit.

So fuck off and thanks.



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